WHO AM I?
I am the Presence which makes the
difference in this moment of your life. The Presence of the Higher Power.
I am the Presence of something greater than
yourself, greater than your intelligence and Ego. The Presence is not something
you can out think, pretend doesn’t exist, or get it to respond and leave you
alone.
The Presence is an experience for which
many long, but which most of us fear.
Why
do we fear these moments? Because we each have carefully worked out whatever
passes for our reality, the muddle in which we live, the expertise we have
gained, the self-deceits, the shams, the accolades and the excuses. We FEAR what
we will experience about ourselves in that moment of the Presence of the Higher
Power.
It’s
like the moment when Parzival rides out of the Grail Castle after he has not
asked the question “Uncle, what ails thee?” and the guard on the watch tower
calls after him, “You goose!”
WHY AM I
HERE?
Years ago I had a heart attack. Months
later I attended a meditation retreat. Two simple meditative forms: the focused
(or narrow) gaze and the wide gaze. I could do the focused gaze like
gangbusters. Hold a pebble, look at it in detail, then recreate the pebble in
your imagination. N-O Problem!
However, I could not do the wide gaze: which
is NOT focusing on the pebble but seeing broadly. Nope. No way. I had tons of
excuses. I asked the teacher, Dennis Klocek, why I could only do the focused
gaze. He said, “Because your heart is afraid that if you don’t hold onto the
details, that you will disappear. That’s what hardened your heart and caused
your heart attack.”
My heart had carefully orchestrated my life
so that I only did what I was good at (detailed work), what I wanted to do,
because I WAS good, and it almost killed me.
“Jean-o,
what ails thee?” Me.
WHAT DO I
WANT?
The question becomes: how do I BE different?
How can any of us change?
The Presence of the Higher Power is many
times about reversal. We narrow-gazers need the courage to risk the wide gaze,
to do the opposite of what our heart says we should do. To have a change of
heart.
Or,
if we are wide gaze people, we must risk diving into the details, struggling to
keep it all straight, and learning things “by heart”.
Ask the Question: “What ails thee?” Call
forth the Presence which makes the difference in this moment of your life. The
Presence of the Higher Power. And then
wait. Reversal does not mean specifically DOING anything different – but BEING
different.
© Copyright
2015, Jean W. Yeager
All Rights Reserved
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