JUNE CLEAVER sweeps into the room. WARD CLEAVER sits on the sofa reading a newspaper. There is a knock on the door.
JUNE: I’ll get that.
She exits and then returns with SGT JOE FRIDAY.
JUNE: Ward? A policeman here to see us.
WARD tilts down paper and looks alarmed.
WARD: A policeman?
FRIDAY: Mrs. Cleaver, Mr. Cleaver, I’m Sergeant Friday with the
JUNE: School police?
WARD: Is Theodore in trouble?
FRIDAY: I’m sorry to say that your son and the Trump boy were
caught lighting farts in the locker room.
WARD: Lighting farts?
FRIDAY: Oh, don’t worry sir, it’s typical junior high school
hyjinks - happens all the time.
JUNE: Really? Lighting farts is typical?
FRIDAY: Yes ma’am. When the cafeteria serves mystery meat,
fruit cup and pork ’n beans, some of the Britebart
Brats and the T-Party Toadies, when they go to P.E.,
they can’t help but strip to their tidy-whities, pull
‘em tight, Flic-the-Bic ‘n let ‘er rip!
JUNE: Oh, my!
FRIDAY: Sometimes the blue flames shoots a foot and looks just
like a Senate Majority Leader tie!
WARD: If it’s typical why are you here?
FRIDAY: This time, the Trump boy was injured.
JUNE: (CONCERNED) The Trump boy? Injured?
FRIDAY: Yes ma’am. He tried to “Repeal and Replace”.
WARD: “Repeal and Replace”?
FRIDAY: Not a good idea to repeal a fart, but repeal and
replace is typical junior high thinking. Dangerous if
you’re trying to impress people.
JUNE: Is he badly hurt?
FRIDAY: What do you think happens when you try to repeal and
replace something combustible and under pressure?!
JUNE: And Theodore?
FRIDAY: He ran for Nurse Kellyanne. She brought ointment and a
WARD: Our Beaver a hero.
FRIDAY: I came to ask you to treat the Trump boy with a little
tenderness for a while. Don’t laugh at the waddle.
WARD: So, the American Health Care Act doesn’t cover
repealing and replacing farts?
FRIDAY: Just ask the Trump boy.
© Copyright 2017, Jean W. YeagerAll rights Reserved.