THE PRESENCE

WHO AM I?

     I am the Presence which makes the difference in this moment of your life. The Presence of the Higher Power.

     I am the Presence of something greater than yourself, greater than your intelligence and Ego. The Presence is not something you can out think, pretend doesn’t exist, or get it to respond and leave you alone.

     The Presence is an experience for which many long, but which most of us fear.

Why do we fear these moments? Because we each have carefully worked out whatever passes for our reality, the muddle in which we live, the expertise we have gained, the self-deceits, the shams, the accolades and the excuses. We FEAR what we will experience about ourselves in that moment of the Presence of the Higher Power.

It’s like the moment when Parzival rides out of the Grail Castle after he has not asked the question “Uncle, what ails thee?” and the guard on the watch tower calls after him, “You goose!”

WHY AM I HERE?

     Years ago I had a heart attack. Months later I attended a meditation retreat. Two simple meditative forms: the focused (or narrow) gaze and the wide gaze. I could do the focused gaze like gangbusters. Hold a pebble, look at it in detail, then recreate the pebble in your imagination. N-O Problem!

     However, I could not do the wide gaze: which is NOT focusing on the pebble but seeing broadly. Nope. No way. I had tons of excuses. I asked the teacher, Dennis Klocek, why I could only do the focused gaze. He said, “Because your heart is afraid that if you don’t hold onto the details, that you will disappear. That’s what hardened your heart and caused your heart attack.”

     My heart had carefully orchestrated my life so that I only did what I was good at (detailed work), what I wanted to do, because I WAS good, and it almost killed me.

“Jean-o, what ails thee?” Me.

WHAT DO I WANT?

     The question becomes: how do I BE different? How can any of us change?

     The Presence of the Higher Power is many times about reversal. We narrow-gazers need the courage to risk the wide gaze, to do the opposite of what our heart says we should do. To have a change of heart.

Or, if we are wide gaze people, we must risk diving into the details, struggling to keep it all straight, and learning things “by heart”.

     Ask the Question: “What ails thee?” Call forth the Presence which makes the difference in this moment of your life. The Presence of the Higher Power.  And then wait. Reversal does not mean specifically DOING anything different – but BEING different.

© Copyright 2015, Jean W. Yeager

All Rights Reserved

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