WHO AM I?
It’s been quite a winter. More than 8-feet of snow in Boston,
Lake Champlain looks like a gigantic popcicle, about 75% of all the senior citizen “Snow Birds” who migrated southward months ago and have been filling
Florida’s Senior Citizen centers. But, hey!
It’s HOT down there and they wanna go home!
(Sigh.) Like a young, aggressive hockey star, another “Alberta
Clipper” – Captain “Vladdy ‘Polar Vortex’ Putin” - is barreling southward from
the far northern most polar region like a grinning, toothless, long-haired winger;
seeking to score another fierce outbreak of frozen mayhem across New England
and pay the U.S. back for the Ukraine.
(Aside: Gimme a break, already. Can’t somebody put a little body
on that Vladdy Vortex bag of wind?)
On the defense, the New England Defensive Line is trudging,
slowly and wearily back to the snow plows, utility trucks and Zambonis, the
equipment of last resort. We ran out of ice so they will be spreading gravel on
the roads so that windshield replacement companies will have a nice spring.
WHY AM I HERE?
Why? Gloomy, pessimistic Weather Forecasts and to deliver Public
Service reminders.
This first reminder is for Frost Heaves. Mostly we’re here because
the streets and highways have Frost Heaves. These are teeth rattling humps of
frozen earth which suddenly arise anywhere. You can’t go anywhere fast because
your suspension will be beaten to smithereens. Besides the gravel on the roads, this is
another way Weather has fun with you!
And, our Weather Channel must remind you that there is a heavy
threat of Sink Holes. That’s where ancient New England water main systems,
installed in the 1800’s, have been frozen so many times this winter that the
joints have burst underground – somewhere. Nobody is sure. A giant lake of
water is down there beneath the ground. Our utility systems calculate several
hundred thousand gallons of water. And, the roadway, or hour house, may sink at
any moment. So, carry a life jacket
under your car seat and remember we have two emergency exits at the front of
the car and no illuminated strips on the floor.
WHAT DO I WANT?
Spring. Okay?
Yeah, we love snow. We love the North East. But enough already.
The Red Sox and Yankees are in spring training. The fans are
trying to cope.
Cope!?
The “Snow Queen” hockey Moms are on their feet and chanting of
“No More Snow Day!” Some mothers stuff their Pee-Wee hockey kids into their SUVs and drive north hoping to
stop Vladdy Vortex at the border. You can hear shouts of “Get him! Get him!”
from passing vehicles. Basketball coaches wonder if they ought to re-play local
tournaments just to keep families from sliding on the ice. Little leaguers and
coaches stand wearing parkas and snow shoes around baseball/softball diamonds
watching the ice melt. Whispering to themselves… “Someday1”
We hear rumors of Spring. And the laughter of “Vladdy ‘Polar
Vortex’”.
Flatlanders? We feel your pain because of your heat and your drought.
This is the Weather Channel way up north signing off!
© Copyright 2015, Jean W. Yeager
All Rights Reserved
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