WHO AM I?
I must have approached
this question of “Who am I?” several hundred times since I started writing this
blog based on the three simple questions. Last night was the first time I
remember a response - “This is who you are!” - approaching me. And, I realized
there are actually only very, very few things which I am. One is the Texas twang
I grew up with.
Last night my wife and
I were seated at two-top table in a “fine dining” restaurant north of Middlebury,
Vermont. A table of six people entered and sat at the opposite end of the empty
dining room. They began talking amongst themselves, not loudly, but enough so
they were audible.
I suddenly became
aware that a few among them were speaking in a mild, lilting Texas twang. I
became aware, “That is who I am!” or at least, that is a part of who I am. I
smiled and commented to my wife because a Texas twang is so unusual here in
Vermont. It reminded me of the phrase, “You
can take the Texan out of Texas, but you can’t take the Texas out of the
Texan.” This must be true for everyone from everywhere in the world. You
can take the New Yorker out of the Bronx, or Brooklyn, or Flatbush, but can you
take the “New York” out of them? No. My friend Bemis was born and raised a
“Southie” but has not lived in South Boston for many years, but that upbringing
is still in him, is a defining part of him to which he can refer in an instant.
Our language is one of
those essential pieces of the answer to that question “Who am I?” An accent,
dialect, word choice, sentence construction is unique and generally personal
having to do with where and how one is raised and our unique genius or “higher
self”, the one who learns “how to speak” takes that in and can recognize it
forever. We have our own unique, personal speech pattern, but we can recognize
that pattern across a room and scan for the “kindred” spirit to which we are
attracted as I am sure any refugee from one part of Syria, or from anywhere
else, can recognize someone else from their home. You can’t be a refugee from
your native tongue.
Generally, though
language is from a specific place in the world and identifies a group of people who live there in that
language. Each individual’s Angel, the higher self, is a member of that group
and learns to speak, but the language is totally idiosyncratic. My Texas Twang
is shared, otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to the stranger across the room.
It is the Arch-Angels, the heavenly beings who care for groups of people. These
groups create their own slang, dialect or patois;
uniforms, tattoos, ways of being. I’ve often wondered about the
Arch-angelic beings of the NFL or Hockey teams, MLB – proud, individualistic
scrappers.
WHY AM I HERE?
The Texas Twang was like a magnet. It drew my attention. “The
Texas” in me was attracted to “The Texas” in that other person. It was
automatic. I pivoted and looked. Mine
was a sympathetic response. But, what if it was an antipathetic response,
negative.
We have biases. What if
I thought people that talk with a southern drawl, or Texas twang are stupid,
uneducated, slow witted. Or the French Canadian accent, which we may hear occasionally
in Vermont, meant something negative? Or, a mid-Eastern accent was to be
feared? Or, if I was a black kid and watched a white cop cruise by and stare at
me? Or I was a white cop who had been trained to watch hand gestures?
We have in-built,
automatic “selves” that are attracted or repulsed by in-built ways of being. S1
is biased by, attitudes, experiences. As the popular song goes, “S1 can’t help
it, that’s the way I am!” S1 presumes that that this “magnetism” which causes
us to pivot is a forever thing. We are raised a particular way, we are trained
a particular way and, like a magnet, we meet a person or situation and our
automatic behavior kicks in, “click-bang.” We don’t need gun control so much as
S1 control.
WHAT DO I WANT?
Freedom. Creativity. S2 strengthening. That’s what I want for
us. In addition to the “automatic self” there is another self within us. Call
the “automatic self” S1. The non-automatic self, call that self S2. So, let’s
ask your automatic self to answer the following questions:
What is 17 X 24 ? Your automatic
self stops, gets confused and calls on S2 for help S2 grabs a piece of paper
and a pencil and does the laborious steps for multiplication.
Or, how about the following: you
have a compass which always points toward magnetic north (just like your S1
always reacts in the same way) – so, how do you travel west if your S1 points
north automatically? Hmmm? How do you sail your little dingy into the wind? Or,
do you curse you luck and drop anchor until S1 shifts?
S2 slows down S1. You
have to practice taking a step back and watching S1 do its thing. Not reacting.
Wait a moment. The old saying was, “If angry, count to 10.” Give a head fake
before going up for the shot. There are lots of examples from many places. Mostly, we think they don’t apply to us: “We
can’t help it... “ which is not exactly true.
“Who am I?” I am
someone who has a S1 and a S2. I have wind in my sail. I have magnetic north. I
live in a community of good and bad people and I probably can’t tell one from
the other, really.
I can develop the capacity to use
the compass for orienting myself and using the automatic way of being within
myself as a signal, maybe even a strong signal, but I can live in the world of cause, not automatic effect. I can take
my finger off the trigger of reaction. “The Texan” is an indicator that someone
across the room is speaking with a Texas twang. Where is the genuine threat in
gang symbols, or a teenager wearing a hoodie, a girl in a hijab? In me. My
fear. Slow down. Call for S2.
Can you take “the Texas” out of the
S1 Texan? Nope. But you can choose to use S1 as a compass for S2 and go “west,
young man, go west”. (Tip o’ the hat to
Horace Greeley for the “go west, young man” phrase – but, really, did the
phrase “young man” cause a “he’s sexist” reaction from your S1?)
© Copyright 2016 Jean W. Yeager
All Rights Reserved.------------------------------------------------------------
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