Showing posts with label Donald Trump. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Donald Trump. Show all posts

Saturday, April 25, 2026

An Excerpt From "MORALIC ACID: Truth and Satire" - eBOOK NOW $0.99 - "JAM TOMORROW" SAYS THE WHITE QUEEN

“JAM TOMORROW”
SAYS THE WHITE QUEEN

“It’s all about governance” said the White Queen to Alice, the broadcast journalist covering the Town Hall Tea Party for the 99%er News Network, “ignore the fact that I, as a Queen, am now certainly a 1%er. I wasn’t born a 1%er like King Donald or King Jeb. I, too, was a commoner until I married King Bill.” She smiled and reached for a piece of toast.
“As the 1%ers always say, ‘Some people are born great and others have greatness thrust upon them!’ I’m very grateful to have had greatness thrust upon me as it gave me the opportunity to serve, to govern and do many things to help the 99%ers. Do you like jam? After I am named Queen, I shall make sure that the 99%ers have jam.”
“But the 99%ers need help. Wages have fallen. The banks have sucked-up all the money.” Alice said.
“’Sucked up’ is not a proper journalistic term, my dear. ‘Reasonable profit’ is what I like to say. ‘Profits and bonuses, bonuses and profits, mo-ney makes the world go ‘round!” The White Queen said in a sing-song voice which turned snarly. “Even the 99%ers know that! What’s your question?”
“What about wages?” Asked Alice.
“Increase in the minimum wage and jam tomorrow,” said the White Queen. “Tell your viewers to vote for the White Queen and I’ll raise the minimum wage, that’s the bread. And, there’s jam to sweeten the deal!”
The White Queen led Alice to her Tea Party table. There were dozens of detailed position papers and proposals. It was obvious the White Queen like her thoughts. Each had a beautiful plate on top each with a slice of bread.
“Look at these, or go to my web site,” she said. “Being Queen is very complex but you can tell I have experience in everything, or at least something to say about everything!” She reached for a plate with a slice of bread on it and handed it to Alice.
 “Foreign relations? Security? Anti-terror? Soft bread, tough Queen. And remember, jam tomorrow!”

WHY AM I HERE?
Alice was covering the Town Hall Tea Party for the 99%er News Network. She wanted to find out exactly what the White Queen was going to do differently to change things in the country. After all, the 99%ers were poorer, less employed, facing a bleaker retirement and their kids were saddled with larger college debt with fewer good job prospects than ever before. The White Queen was part of the outgoing administration which had continued 1%er policies many of which her husband King Bill had put into place. Those policies made the rich richer and transformed the middle class into a lower class,
“How will you be different?” Alice asked.
“Let’s be polite!” The White Queen said lifting a butter knife. “Say ‘Pretty Please Ma’am’ like a good 99%er”.
“Pretty please, Ma’am – how will you be different?” said Alice.
“Minimum wage. Obamacare. And, ask the banks and 1%ers to play nice.” said the White Queen, “and, jam tomorrow! Isn’t that what everybody wants?”
“The 99%ers want things today! Health care. Higher wages. Lower debt.” said Alice.
“Well, they’re just unfamiliar with how the forward thinking of the 1%ers work, that’s why they’re 99%ers. 1%ers live forward. I’ve gotten things done by working with the opposition. 1%ers know that to make changes, you have to live forward, it’s always ‘jam tomorrow’, never jam today. We have to go slowly, dear. Be a good girl and tell the 99%ers that the White Queen lives forward, will you?”

WHAT DO I WANT?
“The 99%ers will be confused.” Said Alice.
“I’m not surprised!” said the White Queen. “That’s what happens when you always live your life backwards. The 1%ers live their lives forward. When a 99%er such as yourself tries to live forward, it makes you a little confused. You grasp for things like the concept of today.”
“You say the 99%ers are living backwards because we want jam and health care and income equality and our needs to be met today?” asked Alice.
 “Exactly!” shouted the White Queen. “It’s jam every OTHER day and today isn’t any OTHER day, it’s today! That’s living life forward. All my proposals are forward thinking!”
 “Oh, I think I’m beginning to understand.” said Alice.
“My memory works both ways – forward and backward!” said the White Queen. “Doesn’t yours?”
“I can’t remember things before they happen. But, I do remember backward, and today. Very clearly.” Said Alice.
“I don’t want the 99%ers to remember backward. I want the 99%ers to remember forward!” said the White Queen. ”It’s so much easier to govern when people remember ‘jam tomorrow, never today’.”

Based on “Through The Looking Glass” by Lewis Carroll.

Monday, January 8, 2018

UNDRESSING CLARK KENT



- - - - - - - - - - - - -

THE DAILY PLANET

INTER-OFFICE MEMO – FROM PERRY WHITE, EDITOR IN CHIEF

TO: CLARK KENT

Clark –

     This is “Wellness Month” here at the Daily Planet and I would like a “human interest” story from you about men’s health issues. Go on down to the Planet’s Staff Doctor’s office and go through the usual screenings for guys your age: blood pressure, Prostate Specific Antigen or PSA blood test, DRE Prostate Exam, colorectal cancer screening, the works; and then write about your experiences and how much better you feel after being screened.

     I want that in the Monday morning edition.

/signed/ Perry

-30-

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

            “Jimmy?”

            “Yeah, Clark!”

            “Jimmy, this is “Wellness Month” here at the Daily Planet and the boss has given me an assignment. I need you to go with me down to the Planet’s Doctor’s office so you can get a wellness screening for me to write about.”

            “Sure, Clark.

***

“Hi Mr. Kent, I’m Brianna, a Nurses Aide.  I’ll take your vitals for the Doctor.”

“Brianna, I’m afraid I’m on deadline and might have to leave like a speeding bullet, so I brought Jimmy Olsen to take my place – he’ll take the health screening and I’ll write about his experiences.”

“Hi Brianna.” Said Jimmy.

“Hi Jimmy. Well, Mr. Kent, Jimmy is too young. The tests are for men your age. Editor White sent the Doctor a copy of his memo to you and she has all those tests set up for you today – so you can make your deadline. I’m sorry, Jimmy, you’ll just have to grow up.”

“She?” said Clark.

“Uh-huh. Constance Smith, MD. She’s doing women’s tests on Miss Lane today so Lois can write about those as well. It’ll be a great pair of health articles!”

“Well, Jimmy, thanks for trying.” Said Clark.

“Sure, Clark. See ya around. Good luck on your tests. Hope they don’t find cancer or something.”

“Let me get your weight first, Mr. Kent. Just step up on the scales. You can take off your jacket, put your hat and reporter’s pad on the little table. 225-pounds… and six feet two inches. Now, if you’ll follow me to the exam room, I’ll get your health history and take blood pressure.”

Brianna led him into an exam room with a table, one side chair and a stool on rollers. There was a hospital gown was on the exam table.

“Here’s a clipboard with a health history, I’ll let you fill that out and then I’ll come back and take your blood pressure.”

“So, what should I do?” Clark thought, “I can’t be perfect, can’t be super healthy. I’d better make up some minor health issues. But, what?”

As a super human, Clark had never really thought about human health issues before. Which should he have? There was a very long list from which to select.  Headaches? Frequent urination? Flatulence? Tachycardia? Nocturnal emissions (whatever those were)? Inability to void (what?)?

“Damn,” Clark thought, “middle aged human men are a sack of problems.”

Brianna returned. Clark handed her his clipboard.

“Thank you, Mr. Kent.” She looked it over. “Do you take any medications?”

“No.” said Clark.

“Not even a baby aspirin every day for cardiac health?”

“Nope”.

“Well, you should. It’ll help keep you super healthy! Any known allergies?”

“Uh, Kryptonite”

“Kryptonite? What’s that? Some people are allergic to laytex. Dr. Smith has to use a non-latex glove when she does the DRE, otherwise the laytex causes a very itchy rash.”

“What’s a DRE?” asked Clark.

“Digital Rectal Exam. You definitely don’t want to break out in an itchy rash down there!” Brianna giggled.

Clark was becoming very concerned. Human problems were all new to man of steel. What would the super-human version of Brianna’s “itchy rash” be like… and Clark didn’t really know if he was allergic to laytex!

“So, what is kryptonite?” said Brianna writing on the clipboard.

“It’s like a rock… that gives off radiation. It’s from my home, uh… town.”

“Which is…?

“Smallville.” Brianna noted that.

“I’ll note it. How does it affect you? Rash?”

“Weakness.”

Brianna noted that. “Let me do your blood pressure, get a urine sample and draw some blood for the PSA and the doctor will come in for the DRE and colo-rectal exam.”

“Do I have to take off my shirt?” asked Clark.

“Not now,” said Brianna putting the BP cuff over his bicep, “these new cuffs are very sensitive.”

She began pumping the rubber bulb and her face grew more and more concerned.

“Mr. Kent!” said Brianna, “Something must be wrong with this blood pressure cuff! It says your blood pressure is very high. More than very high! Way too high! This can’t be right!  Otherwise, you would blow blood right out of your body, unless you were made of steel! Which is crazy!” She shook her head and stared at the cuff. “Here… take his urine cup down the hall to the toilet. Just leave the sample on the little shelf when you’re done. I’ll get the blood-draw kit and meet you back here.”

“How much urine do you want?” Clark asked.

“Like you’ve never given urine before!” Brianna laughed. “Just an ounce. Silly man.”

Clark went down the hall to the toilet.

“This will be a real problem,” Clark thought, “What in the world will my urine show?”.

Undressing Clark Kent would reveal Superman and that was a secret which simply must not be revealed. But, what to do?

On his way down the hall, Clark heard a soft weeping and it was a voice he recognized. He used his x-ray vision to look through the wall to see who was inside, it was Lois Lane! He looked up and down the empty hall, then he tapped lightly and opened the door.

“Lois… are you all right?” he asked in a compassionate, friendly way.

“Oh, yes, Clark. I’m more than all right, I’m so happy! The doctor just told me I’m pregnant!”

Pregnant? Really? Who…?”

“Superman!” Lois said, her eyes all aglow.

“Superman?” Clark said, stunned. “Lois Lane and Superman, my two best friends! I’m so happy for you and Superman, too, Lois! This is great!” Then he asked slyly, with a wink “Was it hard to get intimate that super guy, with that suit he wears?”

“Not at all. Superman was very passionate. You should ask him for some lessons, Clark. You are pathologically modest… undressing Clark Kent has proved impossible for me, even though I tried many times!”

“You did…?” stammered Clark, embarrassed.

Lois nodded and smiled sweetly.

“I suppose some people do say that I’m shy.” said Clark kissing her cheek. “Speaking of shy, I gotta go, I’ve got a hospital gown to avoid.”

https://goo.gl/mi2gBb

© Copyright 2017, Jean W. Yeager




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