Showing posts with label sexuality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexuality. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

THAT OL' CERTAINTY

2019 AGELESS AUTHORS CONTEST FINALIST

WHO AM I?
     I swear to God I did not go into that honkey-tonk in Austin looking for that old certainty. Honestly, I just like country music... oh, yeah, and the women. They can even be asymmetrical! And the beer, I like the beer. 'N I just like to dance the 2-Step. That’s all. 
     Just exercising my emotions, okay passions, and my Sentient Soul and I’ll ask a pretty woman to dance. Hold her real close, left hand in her right hand, slightly cupped; my right hand on her lower back - maybe her back belt-loop. Catch a beat or two... and we Texas 2-Step. Slow-Quick-Quick; Slow-Quick-Quick; repeat.
     Some gals don’t like to be held tight and kinda try to wiggle away. Some don’t like to be led and resist for a moment. Then I ask them if they REALLY want to dance. Some want to be independent, but the 2-Step, well when you 2-Step and you twirl, go open-style and cut your way through the traffic, somebody BETTER lead so it will be less loco and more motion in the locomotion.
     So there I was 2-Steppin’ and Swing Dancin’ and the band was stylin’ George Jonesn’, Ray Price n’ and Willie ‘n Merle and George Strait, Clint, Hank Jr. and, Lord knows who else.
     There were layers and layers of lights and boots and hats and glitter and see-through blouses, and sounds. Layers and players. And more than a few nay-sayers. Some drunken pals. Some suffering gals. Winners and losers. Just a Friday night in Austin.

WHY AM I HERE?
     I swear I do not EVER look for Dame Adventure. I do not WANT Dame Adventure. I have a deviated-septum, a Collies fracture and trashed knees - and do not NEED more adventure. I was just there to dance. Hold a woman real close, right hand on her lower back. Slow-Quick-Quick; Slow-Quick-Quick...  Say a word or two. Ask her name. Concentrate on the dance moves. Step back and twirl her, catch her eye and smile, real polite like. Asymmetrical is fine.
     But the thing about Dame Adventure is that she whispers. Honest to God, she whispers. It’s like you hear someone calling your name but it would be absolutely impossible to be boot-scootin’ and hear a whisper when the band is playing Hank Jr.’s “Family Tra-dition!” But, there it was.
     So, I began cutting behind her and side stepping and scanning the tables at the edge of the dance floor and we made a full circle around the room.
     Where in the WORLD did that whisper come from? WHO in the world is whispering my name?

WHAT DO I WANT?
     It was like I was Moses and the red-neck sea parted and there She sat. Right there at the end of the table. I was certain she whispered. She had a coy, knowing look in her eyes.
     Her mother, about my age, sat beside her. Her mother was no rodeo rookie. She had Dolly hair, a flouncy, low-scooped blouse, bare-midriff, skin-tight jeans and a tooled belt which read “BITCH”. She had Botox, lipstick, dentures, and defenses. On the table in front of her was a small clutch. I guessed a 2-Shot Derringer.
     Her was the mother of She. She had whispered to me. This was the third time in my life that I’ve met such a She. I felt whatever in me that was solid turn to liquid and what was liquid turn to air. My heart started racing. Other men started to look, too. My chest trembled. I smelled the competition.
     I stopped. Still. My dance partner didn’t know what was going on but she followed my eyes and saw they were riveted on She - the one for me. I had to have her. I didn’t know what it would take, divorce, money, bass boat; but that didn’t matter. I didn’t care about what I was going to lose.
     She was just the most perfect woman. A wild abundance of sunlight and femaleness glowed around her. Young, fresh, untapped, spontaneous, waiting for a decisive move.
     That old certainty. Yeah, I felt it. Then the Planet Saturn kick Macho Mars out of the way and showered me with historical memory forces. This was my third She! I already knew how this was going to end. I touched my deviated-septum. Why do I always wind up with losers like She, I asked Mars?
“Excuse me, ma’am.” I said to Her mother. “Would you like to dance?”
Her eyes lit up, her Botox levitated, she popped up, slung the tiny derringer clutch over her low-scoop flouncy blouse and held out her hand.
I was just there to dance. Hold a woman real close, right hand on her lower back. Slow-Quick-Quick; Slow-Quick-Quick...  Say a word or two. Ask her name. Mmm, she smells NICE. Concentrate on the dance moves. Step back and twirl her, catch her eye and smile, real polite like. Asymmetrical is fine.
As we say in Texas: “It’s better to aim at a star and hit a stump than aim at a stump and miss.”

© Copyright 2015, Jean W. Yeager
All Rights Reserved

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Wednesday, January 1, 2020

THE NIGHT DISSOLVES INTO LOVE


WHO AM I?

     Many cultures have their gods and/or goddesses of sexuality, carnality and love. In many, there is a direct connection, worldly lust transforms into spiritual awakening or lower order physical love (eros) becomes spiritual love (agape). All things physical have spiritual counterparts. Spiritual love cannot be on earth without a physical vessel through which to manifest.

     Sexuality, carnality and fertility is as diverse as humankind and all creatures who are sexual. All living things have sexuality of some sort. But, not all have love. Each religion defines love differently.

One man’s love may be another man’s sin.  Birth, death, seasons, growth, all fall under expressions of love. Some Buddhists, for example, include sexual love, fertility and warfare. (Hmmm.) The Canaanites identify: summer, sovereignty and warfare. And, the Celts, of course have gods and goddesses who govern love and death. Men, be careful around the Moroccan deity, Qandisa, a goddess of lust who allegedly seduces men and drives them insane. (Although that does sound like a “reality TV show”.)



WHY AM I HERE?

     Why are we all here?

     The Moon has sailed over the Earth and all peoples since before their deities were recognized. She and her lovers, the Sun and Earth, lifted ordinary behaviors into a higher order Love. The laws of attraction and repulsion are tied with them. Moon and the Earth have sought each other since the beginning.  There is always longing and arousal between them. There is just enough closeness between them and the Sun to cause an imbalance in the relationship so that in the mix with each other, life can arise.

Ah, yes, the Sun too is a player. The Sun is King of the daylight and Moon the Queen of the Night. And the Earth, what of the Earth? Mother Earth, out of whose verdant wetness has brought forth all living creatures. All three tend their offspring.  Variation, rhythms are essential for the Earth’s health.

     The Sun shines and the Moon reflects. On Earth, the Sun’s variety of intensity, length of the days and nights, causes seasons, growth and life. The Sun and Earth and Moon rotate in their barycenter together and so sunlight is only on one side of the earth at a time.  The Moon’s phases have moved animal life and human life forever. The season for lambing and spring calving are required rhythms of sexuality which simply are in-built into each species. This was nothing of man. But men must have felt the magic of it all and it was so much beyond them that they felt the need to place responsibility on powerful, unseen someone and so the deities. To which apparently Sun, Earth and Moon have not objected.

How long has the Moon lain with the Earth, her lover? They too have grown old together, but not tired of one another. Love seems to make all things new.



WHAT DO I WANT?

     I have slept next to my lover for many years now, at times it feels like the first night. Is this the first night? I can’t remember. One smile at bedtime, before the lights go out, erases the images of my day, eases long-time concerns.  I lay back and a world of other scenes arises. Are they memories? Or are they dreams yet to be? I can’t remember, and it really doesn’t make much difference, does it?

     When you go into the Night in the arms of your lover you are in Love – even if your lover is no longer alive and in bed with you. You are IN Love and Love is spiritual and emotional and planetary. Love is everywhere. In our lover’s arms, we dissolve into the Love. When you are in Love, Time is not existent. And, who is our lover, really? The Moon, Sun and Stars of the Night? You? Me? Love is neither greater now than it was then – whenever then was. And, Love is 100% all the time.  All are loved and are all Love and loving. 

     But, this Love? My loving and your loving is of feelings of the heart – each heart. Our feelings, emotions and physical. Like the earth and moon and sun, we rotate in a rhythm around our hearts.

     Is this the first night I’ve touched, or been touched? Nestled or been nestled? Spooned or been spooned? I can’t remember. Joy is an eraser and joy is the candle which flickers and glimmers in our room. The Moon outside has brought the Night and caresses the  Earth, her lover, and us, with her touch. We lie with each other as the candlelight and the moonlight caresses us, and the Night dissolves into Love.



© Copyright 2015, Jean W. Yeager
All Rights Reserved

BOOK SITE: http://www.th3simplequestions.com


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