Part I - by Jean Yeager
WHO AM I?
When we are born on Earth we “die” from the
spiritual world. The spiritual world marks our “death” (okay our departure) by
placing the reverse of a “grave stone”, a “life marker”, not in an outward
cemetery, but inwardly in our birth-bodies, a spiritually connected, living
life marker which is our genetic code. This code contains all the gifts or
deficits which we have acquired from genetics (which like reincarnation extends
into the past) and which we are born. Our genetic code is a profound “Birth
Marker”. Funny how the spiritual world knows how to work so intricately and
with complexity into life.
The normal “Grave Marker” with which we
send one another into the spiritual world is not so profound. Usually it is a
stone carved with our name, birth date and death date and placed on the Earth
were our remains were deposited. “X” marks the spot.
My cousin Billy, age 70, died recently and
got an earthly grave marker which had his name misspelled – “Billie” not
“Billy”. Awww. It was unfortunate, but nothing which we couldn’t replace.
To me, a guy who was given a first name,
“Jean”, the French spelling for “John”, the spelling error of “Billy” and
“Billie” was not THAT unusual. It is what I will expect on the similar occasion
after I die. My grave marker will no doubt read “Gene”.
In
a way, though, the moment of Billy/Billie angst was a perfectly imperfect
ending to the earthly life of my cousin Billy who was a guy who was born with a
genetic code (birth marker) which included Down Syndrome – a different sort of
spelling in the usual genetic code.
WHY WERE WE
HERE?
We memorialized Billy and we had lots of
memories.
We
were all upset at the grave stone misspelling and commented: “Thank God Billy
wasn’t here!” Billy was such a unique and forceful man that we actually lived
in the imagination of what would have happened if Billy were here to see the
error.
Billy would have gone ballistic! Billy knew
how his name was spelled and so see it misspelled in stone would have left him
inconsolable. He was such a powerful guy our imagination of what Billy would
have said and done lingered even though he was gone. We remembered how it was
to have eventually gotten him calmed down, how he would have worried and
fretted each day until it was made right. He would have called his sister Bev
constantly. He took such slights very hard. Now we were comforting him even
though he was in the spiritual world.
There was a large crowd at the funeral and
Anna, cousin David’s wife, delivered the perfect eulogy for Billy - “5 Gifts
You Get From A Person With Special Needs”. It was brilliant. I hope to publish
it here in this blog. (Is included below.) It spoke to what you get from a guy whose birth marker
was unique. In street parlance, he was “labeled” but not “unable.” Billy did
everything to the max. He was proud. He was competitive in everything –
everything, including Special Olympics. Labeled or not, here he came.
WHAT DO I
WANT?
The family didn’t think of Billy with any
sort of label unless "go" is a label. Billy was Billy. The cousin with polio was himself. I was premature
and adopted, no big deal. We are all family members in this Karmic Carpool.
But,
Billy always “won” in the birth-order/age thing because he was 5 years older
than I. I was always the little kid cousin. Whenever we saw one another he
ALWAYS teasingly calling me “Yeager-boy”. Always. Sometimes it went on and on
unmercifully: “Oh, Yeager-boy, Yeager-boy, YEA-GER-BOY!” Yes, Billy, I am Yeager-boy.
I
don’t think we were in a race to see who would die first. But, Billy, if this
was a race, you won!
Hug
Hard. I miss you, guy.
Eulogy
for Uncle Billy
By
Anna Edwards
There are things we learned in
Kindergarten. Things we learned from our
cat. We learn things from counselors,
teachers, Dr. Phil, and Oprah.
Today, I want to talk to you
about the 5 things I learned from Uncle Billy.
You might ask what a person with
special needs could teach us. What we
could learn from a person who needed to be taken care of rather than being the
one to give care. I say it’s a lot, if
you take the time to listen.
First: HUG HARD
-
You never know when you will see the person you
are hugging again. It might be tomorrow,
it might be for the last time. When I
say to “Hug Hard”, I’m not talking about physicality, but when you hug someone,
MEAN IT. Do it with love. Embrace the whole person. Don’t hug them because that’s what you feel
you should do; the awkward pat on the back.
Do it with a desire to welcome that person into your space and allow
them to become a part of you.
Second: REMEMBER SANTA
-
I asked my mother when I was younger if Santa
was real. She told me that as long as I
kept him in my heart, he was always real.
Billy’s belief in Santa Claus showed us the joy there is in the holiday. That it is more than shopping, baking,
decorating, and running ragged. It’s
about being with family, and sharing time and space with each other. It’s about unadulterated joy about the season
and why it’s special. Santa isn’t about
presents, he is about love, and sharing, and happiness. And if that happens to include a Lone Ranger
costume, so be it.
Third: EVERYONE YOU MEET IS YOUR FRIEND
-
Billy saw no race, color, creed, or
religion. He met people with no bias or
prejudice. Everyone we meet can bring
something positive to our lives, if we let them. I wonder how different the world would be if
we all had that capability. I wonder how
different I would be. If we treat
everyone as a friend, it’s hard to have enemies.
Fourth: FORGET THE HURTS
-
Everyone gets angry. Everyone gets hurt. This is part of being human. But Billy had the capacity to forgive more
than a lot of people I know. Think how
much more peaceful life would be if we were able to let go a little more. Think of the last time someone upset you or
hurt your feelings that you haven’t quite been able to get past. Take a moment now to breathe it in, and
forgive the hurt. (PAUSE FOR 5
BEATS). We should all do this more
often.
Fifth and last: LOVE YOUR FAMILY
-
You may never see them. You may see them all the time. They might be blood related or they might be
the family you have created for and surrounded yourself with. Whatever kind of family they are, however
they are made, cherish them as they should be cherishing you. Billy’s mother, Laura, told me about how,
after Billy was born, the doctor told her to give him up. Put him into an institution and essentially
forget about him. There was plenty of
time to have other children. Fortunately
for us, she didn’t do that. She
cherished him. As a result, we all got
to learn some valuable lessons about life and love along the way.
“Those we hold most dear never
truly leave us. They live on in the
kindness they showed, the comfort they share, and the love that they brought
into our lives.”
Thank you, Billy, for showing us
that love, compassion, and Santa Claus are all good things.
© Copyright
2015, Jean W. Yeager
All Rights Reserved
--------------------------
Jan – June 2014 threesimplequestions Blog
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