Thursday, February 5, 2015


     I am a very quick thinking person. I am smart. Brilliant, actually. I am opinionated. In my opinion, I know what to do. I know the RIGHT thing to do. The correct thing to do about any problem – ANY problem, big or small, can be successfully solved if people would simply do as I say.
     It is so inconvenient that the Divine Right to Rule has been done away with. God gave me this gift of intelligence and so I ought to be in charge. The problem we have that slows down our group process is that the group has this idea that they are equal to me.
I have reminded them that we would save so much time if everyone looked to me for leadership. You wouldn't believe the looks on their faces. Oh, well, what do you expect - groundlings.
     Every time we have a meeting and a question arises, I am there to give them the answer about what to do. That’s my duty as the smartest, and FASTEST one in the group. It very quickly becomes clear to me about what to do, it ought to be clear to them, too. Maybe not. But I am always hopeful.
     So I restate the question as I see it, and I remind them of their mistakes in the past, and give them the answer about what to do today. Then they ignore me. Can you believe it!? I begin telling them how WRONG they are. They get offended with the TRUTH! I toss the correct answer out there – a cute cuddly kitten of a solution to the problem. I give them the correct answer! What, in my opinion ought to be done. It ought to be WELCOMED and adopted by the group IMMEDIATELY! Cuddled and petted. But, No-o. It dies. They ignore the CORRECT ANSWER! Dead. It just lies there like a dead cat in the middle of the table - cold, stiff, untouchable.
      Then they all go on talking about the problem as if what just happened, never happened. They have KILLED the correct answer and everybody KNOWS it’s the correct answer.

     I only want what Woody Allen said he wanted: “A mass outpouring of love from a grateful nation.”
     I went away from the last meeting carrying my dead kitty when a group member slipped up to me and said three words: “Things work out.”
     What did that mean?
     Apparently it meant that whether or not I solved problems quickly, and tossed pretty kitties onto the table (which the meeting ignored and they died of cruel neglect), the group went ahead and eventually made decisions.
     Things worked out – without me.  Yeah, dumb decisions were made without me!
     So, I did a clever, well thought out thing: I went to the next meeting and I put my fingers over my mouth. It looked like I was deep in thought, but I was really holding my lips closed, holding myself back and I watched the meeting progress.
They talked and they talked! Endlessly they offered one bad idea after another. Half-baked ideas. Sure failures. One or two sparklers which nobody recognized. But, everybody had their say.  And, eventually, the group dropped into thoughtful silence, maybe not thoughtful but they were quiet. It was the moment for a solution to arise. Aha!
From under the table, I brought forth my good idea, the correct solution. I just put it on the table AFTER everyone had exhausted their pea-brains and shut up. The timing was appropriate. My answer actually cleverly incorporated bits of everyone’s bad ideas into a new, elegant solution.
Now, things worked out – with me!

© Copyright 2015, Jean W. Yeager
All Rights Reserved

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