B’RER BIDEN AND
THE TAR (SANDS) BABY
I‘m B’rer Biden 'n me 'n B'rer Sanders was comin’ home from
shootin’ hoops in the Senatorial Gymnasium when in da middle o' ma campaign
path was a big Tar (Sands) Baby.
I sez, to myself, “Joe, what is this?” I
lookt and the sign sez ‘Tar (Sands) Baby’.” “Who put this in th’ campaign
path?” I askit. “I bet S’tah Clinton, some billionaires and that dang blame
NAFTA.” I sez lookin’ ‘round.
‘n I hearz B’rer Cruze, B’rer Trump, ‘n
S’stah Farina, ‘n B’rer Randy Paul, a’ gigglin’ in the bushes.
“I think dis Tar (Sands) Baby is a Cousin
of that BP drillin’ rig what blowedup in the Gulf o’ Mexico a couple o’years
ago.” I sez.
“The one with them big (tar) balls what
washed up on the beaches?” I said. “Dat verry one.”
“Well, da peopil don’t wants that!” I sez.
“We gotta gits dis hyar Tar (Sands) Baby off’n the election path!” I sez wit
some vigor.
N’ out stepped S’tah Clinton like’n she was
over to the side a’listenin’.
“How you gonna do dat, Bro Biden?” S’tah
sez kinda sassylike. Wit that, I hauls off’n slaps dat der Tar (Sands) Baby.
“Oh, I don’t know if I’da done DAT!” sez
Sistah Clinton. B’rer Trump sez, “Yor sure sunk now, Joe!”
And, truth wuz, I wuz stuck.
B’rer Trump ‘n B’rer Cruze ‘n B’rer Bush,
‘n a dozen o’mo ‘publicans come saunterin’ out o’da bushes.
“We-ll, looks like yo’ gotta problem on yor
election’ path, B’rer Biden!” sez they and commensed ta’ laughin’ ‘n
pointin’! “Billionaires love da Tar (Sands) Baby! Yor donations just droppit!”
“Mebbe not!” sez I ‘n I kicks’ dat der Tar
(Sands) Baby!
“Oh, I don’t know if I’da done DAT!” sez
S’tah Clinton. And, truth wuz, my foot wuz stuck.
“Will any Democrat help me wid dis?” I ask.
“Oh, I dunno if dat’s setch a good idee.”
Sez S’stah Clinton. “We got them special electorial votes ta worry about.”
“You stuck!,” sez Sistah Palin comin’ out
o’the brush. “We gonna invite you to a Tea Party!” she sez.
“Where’s dis Tea Party?” sez I. “In the ObamaCare Briar Patch!” sez Sistah Palin
brightly.
“S’istah Clinton?” sez I.
“Oh, yo on your own on dis one, Mistah Independent!” sez she. “You’re independ’nt, not a Demon-crat!”
“Dat be true.” I sez. “$27 dollah ‘n lots
o’ ordinary piopiles want health care an’ education!”
“N’ you ain’t got the delegates.” says
S’istah Clinton. “I do. Lo-cked up tighter ‘n your stuck foot!”
“Well,” sez I with some force, “S’istah
Clinton, B'rer Trump and Sistah Palin, I certainly hope you-all don't unstick me from yar Tar (Sands)
Baby and throw me in the ObamaCare Briar
Patch! That would be the worst thing I could imagine!” sez I.
“Dat so?!” sez B’rer Cruze. Sistah Palin
and B’rer Cruze begin ta’ laughin’ pullin’ on ma arm ‘n leg.‘n I’m yellin’
“Pleez, oh PLEEZ don’t throw me in the ObamaCare Briar Patch!” ‘n dey is
laughin’ and draggin’ me to da side o’the election path and dey tosses me in!
“Now b’cause you ain’t got S’istah
Clinton’s delegates, ‘n’ you is against dat der (Tar) Sands, and you is in da ObamaCare Briar Patch, de election is OVAH!” calls out Sistah Palin. “You off
da path!”
“You a loser!”
calls B’rer Trump. “You in da ObamaCare
Briar Patch!”
N’ Brer Biden commencet ta laughin’!
“This is th’ PEOPLE’S BRIAR PATCH, the
99%ERS BRIAR PATCH! Where everyday people - white ‘n black – watch out for each
other! ‘n I was born ‘n raised in this cheer briar patch” B’rer Biden hollers
back. “Dees people kin vote ‘n dey don’t want that Tar (Sands) Baby! Mark my
words!”
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