An Excerpt from "MORALIC ACID - Truth and Satire" - eBOOK NOW $0.99 - LIGHTING ALT FARTS

LIGHTING ALT FARTS

JUNE CLEAVER sweeps into the room. WARD CLEAVER sits on the sofa reading a newspaper. There is a knock on the door.

JUNE:     I’ll get that.

She exits and then returns with SGT JOE FRIDAY.

JUNE:     Ward? A policeman here to see us.

WARD tilts down paper and looks alarmed.

WARD:     A policeman?

FRIDAY:   Mrs. Cleaver, Mr. Cleaver, I’m Sergeant

          Friday with the School Police.

JUNE:     School police?

WARD:     Is Theodore in trouble?

FRIDAY:   I’m sorry to say that your son and the Trump

          boy were caught lighting farts in the locker

          room.

WARD:     Lighting farts?

FRIDAY:   Oh, don’t worry sir, it’s typical junior high

          school hyjinks - happens all the time.

JUNE:     Really? Lighting farts is typical?

FRIDAY:   Yes ma’am. When the cafeteria serves

          mystery meat, fruit cup and pork ’n beans...

          some of the Britebart Brats and the T-Party

          Toadies, before P.E., can’t help but strip

          to their tidy whities, pull 'em tight,

          Flic-the-Bic 'n let 'er rip!

JUNE:     Oh, my!

FRIDAY:  Sometimes the blue flames shoot out a foot

         and looks just like the President’s tie.

WARD:     If this is typical, why are you here?

FRIDAY:   This time, the Trump boy was injured.

JUNE:     (CONCERNED) The Trump boy? Injured?

FRIDAY:   Yes ma’am. He tried to“Repeal and Replace”.      

WARD:     “Repeal and Replace”?

FRIDAY:   Not a good idea to repeal a fart!

          But, repeal and replace is typical junior high

          thinking. Dangerous if  you’re trying to 

          show off.

JUNE:     Is he badly hurt?

FRIDAY:   What do you think happens when you try to

          repeal and replace something combustible

          and under pressure?!

JUNE:     And Theodore?

FRIDAY:   He ran for Nurse Kellyanne. She brought a  

          large tub of ointment and a trowel.

WARD:     Our Beaver a hero!

FRIDAY:   I came to ask you to treat the Trump boy

          with a little tenderness for a while. Don’t

          laugh at the waddle.

WARD:     Does the NEW American Health Care Act

          cover repeal and replace fart scorches? 

FRIDAY:   Nossir. Might be many waddlers come

          Re-election.

WRITTEN DURING THE LAST ELECTION CYCLE - 

STILL FUNNY  BUT 

UNFORTUNATELY RELEVANT FOR TODAY!!

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An Excerpt From "MORALIC ACID- Truth and Satire"- eBOOK NOW $0.99 - DONALL TRUMPETTE, THE U.S.'s 'MINI-ME' AND “TRUMP-O RICO”

TRUMP-O-RICO,

THE U.S.’s “Mini Me”

Now that the secret FBI emails are being released, Donnall Trumpette is sure that his existence will be revealed.

I am Donall Trumpette, “DonaldLarge Me’s Mini-Me”.

Do not misunderstand. I may be smaller than DonaldLarge Me in height, but I have a much, much larger frontal cortex than DonaldLarge Me.

I pack the brains, he packs a big mouth and large, signature-style hair. (It is not a comb-over, it is a Trump-over.)

I played a very LARGE role in the DonaldLarge Me campaign and now in the White House while DonaldLarge Me is, of course, playing an extraordinarily super-sized role in the advancement of all mankind!

I carry a 3”X5” card in my wallet on which I make careful, tiny notations, of DonaldLarge Me’s contribution to the species. This is not about “survival” of the fittest, we’re way beyond that. DonaldLarge Me is much larger than Darwinian thinking! DonaldLarge Me is advancing the species!

His unmatched personal capacities make him the model human being against which all others will be measured. He’s big... really big. Just ask us.

He can’t help but make America Great Again, it is what will happen in his vapor trail! Greatness. Total BigGreatness. AltGreatness as Kellhyann would say. Why, DonaldLarge Me’s aroma makes America smell nice again. And, he makes Canada and Mexico smell better, too. All of North America smells nice because of him. It is Eau de Trump-o, the smell of richness, the vapor trail of success.

DonaldLarge Me is accused of hating Mexicans, Syrians, Muslims, people he fires on the Apprentice, people throws out of his rallies, and a few million others.

Nothing is further from the Truth. The Truth is that DonaldLarge Me has said over and over again that he LOVES Mexicans. He hires them! He LOVES Muslims! He has a Trump Tower in Saudi. He LOVES everyone!

 As Donnall Trumpette, DonaldLarge Me’s Mini-Me, I can tell you that DonaldLarge me is BIG on loving! BIG! America will be great again when everyone else loves as much as DonaldLarge Me!

No other candidate had a Mini-Me, except for DonaldLarge Me right?

When you elected DonaldLarge Me, America became so great that our country needed a Mini-Me, too! A U.S. Mini-Me!

I suggested that DonaldLarge Me simply designate Puerto Rico as America’s Mini-Me!

How’s that? DonaldLarge Me loves the Puerto Ricans (they’re not Mexicans, right?). And, Puerto Rico is up for sale! So, DonaldLarge Me will cut a deal with Congress to tow P.R. up here and park it right outside of New York City harbor, a short walk from Trump Tower, just like the Chinese are doing off Japan. Why not?

It will be renamed Trump-o Rico! DonaldLarge Me has agreed everyone will do the Mini-Me Pinky Kiss to get onto Trump-o Rico. Residents will have their hair dyed like DonaldLarge Me.

This is really something to look forward to! He told me that he was in love with my little idea!

© Copyright 2015, Jean W. Yeager

All Rights Reserved
http://goo.gl/QVCyrl

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An Excerpt From "MORALIC ACID: Truth and Satire" -eBOOK NOW $0.99 - AUTHORITARIAN EYES

AUTHORITARIAN EYES

WHO ARE THEY?

They are the stern, staring eyes of those grim-faced Republican candidates in the recent CNN promotion for their 16 December 2015 debate. And, they are an example of “resonance advertising” based on the latest social psychological research.

Resonance Advertising is the most non-conscious evocative form of advertising. Developed by the late Tony Schwartz, the methodology was used by Lyndon Johnson’s campaign to literally blow Barry Goldwater’s presidential bid out of the water with a commercial called “Picking Daisies” which ended with the image of a thermonuclear explosion. Emotionally, though not literally, the :30 second television commercial called up subconscious voter fear that a vote for Goldwater would lead to nuclear war with the Russians.

The CNN promo has only a drum beat audio, subconsciously saying military or regimentation, and the images are face after face of the leading Republican candidates staring menacingly at the camera.

Powerful, eh? They are watching you.

 

WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS?

Social psychological research has shown that photos of stern, staring eyes are a psychological “prime” – they prime the situation with meanings that come from within us. Hence “resonance” advertising. Powerful images which call forth deep-seated emotional responses.

When added to the test environment of several studies; images of stern, staring eyes cause significantly measurable reactions among test participants. In one case, simply switching the photos on the wall above a “honor box” in a student canteen, led students to “feel guilty” and give money for coffee refreshments even though there was no printed or verbal directive to do so. Such images of these eyes are “authoritarian”.

The research went on to prove that people of an older generation (like “Baby Boomers”) are more susceptible to responding to these “authoritarian” eyes. (Oh great!)

What do these images hope to communicate? Here are some possibilities: Authority. Seriousness. Control. Gravitas. You will change your behavior. We are your leaders.

 

WHAT DO THEY WANT?

This promo and these authoritarian eyes are certainly saying that if viewers haven’t taken the Republican candidates seriously up to this point, “you’d damn sure better take this debate seriously!”

Not coincidentally, authoritarianism is now part of the message around which the Republican candidates are rallying and to which the Republican base is responding. Certainly Donald Trump’s followers shrug off charges of his “fascist” attitudes with apparently little concern about his motives. And, other Republican candidates have begun following Trump’s lead into authoritarianism.

Okay. The CNN promo may not be a promo for authoritarian Republicanism.

It may only be about grabbing a larger audience. This is due to the fact that the ratings on some debates between the two parties have varied widely in viewership. Some debates have been monstrous and broken all viewer records. And with this many candidates remaining on the Republican stage, other research may have show that viewers were having trouble focusing and needed to be herded a bit toward the debate.

But, why authoritarian eyes?

Do these images promote authoritarianism? Yes. Don’t doubt the underlying research.

Are they used only to grab a bigger audience, or are they used to “prime” the electorate for something bigger to come?

(Cue “Jaws” theme – “Bah-dah”.)

There may be nothing like a little dose of potential fear of authoritarianism to cause a bump in viewers. But there is a risk of taking Republican authoritarianism too lightly.

Let’s all watch now because “Big Brother” is watching us.

WRITTEN DURING THE LAST ELECTION CYCLE - 

STILL FUNNY  BUT 

UNFORTUNATELY RELEVANT FOR TODAY!!

ON SALE NOW @ $0.99 - FOLLOW THIS LINK

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