SOUND

Brainz is an on-line, e-mail writing group. Each month the Brainz moderator sends us a word and we each write a short piece on the theme and email it back to him.  He then compiles all the responses and re-sends it to us. Wanna join? It's not for slackers. If you don't participate, you are ejected from the game. There's a private FaceBook group - "The Brainz Group". Contact them. Tell 'em Jean Yeager sent you and you will receive a whole bunch of absolutely nothing.

The word for October 2016 - "SOUND"

It is always a surprise when the Brainz word of the month comes along.  I am reminded of a word exercise we would do in a University of Chicago “Story Workshop” in which our instructor Betty Shiflett would say, “Reach back for the surprise word.” Then, we would go around the circle sounding our “surprise” words. Of course, some students would come prepared and say surprise words such as “bougainvillea” (always on everybody’s surprise word list) and Betty would quickly say, “Another...” This totally surprised the person with the prepared response into silence. I found that mostly the second surprise word response, the surprise  surprise word was very much more spontaneous and led to a stronger visual scene.

So, when “SOUND” came this month I immediately thought I’d re-write a blog post I wrote months ago, “Love Is A Tone (Heart To Heart)”.  Typical for a slacker. I’m too busy. Let me re-write.

That was my first response. But, I had a stern talking with myself, gave myself a pep talk and decided to reach back for the surprise surprise response. It will at least be spontaneous even if it lacks any literary sense or social relevancy as with most of my work.

I have no idea why the second response to the word SOUND was a memory of my deaf guy routine which is my typical response when I am accosted by a panhandler. They are usually drunk with a hand out, bleary eyed, really disheveled. They usually hit me on my way into the supermarket. You know, “Gotta quarter?”

Then I go into my deaf-guy routine.  An anti-SOUND response. I clap my hands loudly. Look stern. Waggle my right index finger ferociously and then make a series of sign-language looking gestures designed to convince the poor drunk panhandler that I can’t hear and am a damn aggressive deaf guy.

Usually they look fearful, apologetic or mutter “Geezus, this a-hole is worse off than I am!” and walk away.  I once had one guy who went into a gorilla routine making huge gestures like an ape, actually dancing around in the parking lot.  I couldn’t help myself, I applauded and said, “That’s great!” He said, “Quarter?” I went back into the deaf guy routine. He shot me a finger and walked away. A soundless conversation.

Last time I sent into my deaf guy routine, my daughter Hallie, an American Sign Language translator, was with me. Afterwards, I asked her if my gestures were in any way close to genuine sign-language words.  She said “yes”, the rough translation was: “Can we mambo through the banana patch.”
Copyright 2016 - Jean W. Yeager - All Rights Reserved
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LOVE IS A TONE (A HEART TO HEART)

WHO AM I?

     When I was a college student, I was a wannabe guitar player when I met a tone. I met her one night as I was passing a party and heard a guy run a riff - just a quick riff- that ended with this tone - a very special, life changing tone. I looked over. She hung in the air, like a beautiful atmospheric, full of longing and passion and well, lushness. She was so intimate, and entered my heart, I was touched. I thought to myself, "Man, who IS THAT TONE!?"  What I meant was that I had to have her.

     A tone, like a woman, is independent, easily desired but totally free which means they man not to be with you - choice is involved, her choice.  The longing to actually attempt to meet her, went on for days. I practiced. I searched for her on the guitar. But how do you meet a tone so smooth, polished and beautiful; so refined when you're a crude player, a beginner. Nothing tough in your fingers. All childishly, soft and sloppy? A tone, like woman, knows a lover with sensitivity.  Still, the desire lingered in my mind.

     A month later, at a party, I heard a girl laugh and in her laugh and the lilt of her voice, was THE tone. It caused me to snap my head around but when the girl saw the searching look in my eyes, her eyes grew questioning, then playful and I didn't know what to say. But I did say to the girl I was with, "Who IS that girl?" Which meant that I had to have her.

WHY AM I HERE?

     I was pursuing the tone and now and was confused about the girl. In my dreams I saw the girl's face but felt in my heart the emotions I first felt when I experienced the tone. I was practicing my guitar and searching for her. But I was not sure she wanted me to come near or even touch her at all. What chance did I have? I was not as experienced a player as the guy who was with her when we met - a better man than I. All lovers want to be worthy of their beloved.  I wanted to transform myself to be worthy of the tone. But what if I was not able to play up to that level of expertise? That I fell short and lived my life with the sound in my head and the feelings in my soul which I was not able to bring into existence? What if I got distracted by other music?

     What about love? Was love beyond the single tone? Was my search for this tone a fantasy that lived in my head - not even a conscious desire? And for which I was hoping to someday create myself as a player? Should I give up this tone stuff?

WHAT DO I WANT?

     Are tones embodied in people?  Could the same feelings which I found in that note or music be incarnated in a  person? Could the tone which touched my heart and released an effervescence like crystal clear water running over iridescent pebbles and brightly colored autumn leaves - a rippling under-tone that bubbled up into my soul and filled me with joy - that put me on weeks of searching, longing and sleepless nights - could that tone be alive in a person that I could invite to go get a cup of coffee with me?

     Amazingly, yes. There was an excitement in just being with her. Just hearing her talk. Just having that tone wash over my soul was, ecstasy. My, I could listen to her for hours!

     Still can.

     It was as if we ran away from the world into the deepest woods and were the only two people for miles and miles. Life stayed crisp and young as when we first went for coffee. All experiences were new and everything was possible.

     Still is.

     We are there in that instant for one another.

     The tone of a voice moving a heart. Then two hearts vibrating together. It's a resonance. A conversation. A heart-to-heart.

(c) Copyright 2014, Jean W. Yeager
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