Three Simple Questions: listening

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

HEART TO HEART

WHO IS SHE?

She is the girl who brings her curiosity into every conversation with every person in every corner of the room. She smiles and forms her curiosity into specific, open ended questions which are like tiny, verbal openings which invite response. She will slowly lean into your private space and go beyond what is appropriate until it feels like she is leaning INTO you. She will smile a most engaging smile ask one of her questions. It is not sexual - that is not her intent – but when she passes your comfort boundaries, it IS intimate. Then, one of the private, locked part of your heart may gently unlock. In my case, my heart just plopped open and boy was I surprised! She knows how to go gently and slowly because some people's hearts – like mine – apparently want to plop open at the slightest nudge of the lock by the offer of genuine curiosity. And, for others, the intimacy without knowing where this is going, is too intense and their heart closes tighter.

WHY IS SHE HERE?

Our opportunities for such heart intrusion are few these days so our hearts grow hardened. We hard-hearted heart owners hold our hearts tightly closed. We don’t want to risk being vulnerable. So, we avoid the gentle, innocent questions – the coming ‘too close’ - preferring to continue in Stoic isolation. There may be good reasons for us to remain hidden, secretive and silent. But, here she is, with a friendly, smiling, manner which is not probing, or prying, but rather simply receptive. To be so receptive, she must be vulnerable, too. Otherwise, we would detect it. It is clear she is willing to receive whatever we feel safe and wish to share. She asks for no more. Mostly she gets a rejection in silence. Because we are NOT innocent, we can’t recognize innocence, a confused look, a mis-apprehension. We can’t trust. Innocence is Heart Wisdom, a Heart Knowledge that is without expectation or guile. Agape, not Eros. Love without sensual pleasure seeking. Rare.

WHAT DO I WANT?

Like most of us who attend parties, I am there to replace my loneliness with your socializing. I would like to get to know this girl more, but I don't want to pry because she might pry back. And, I don’t know how to do this. It takes a Lover to teach us how to Love and if we wish to be Loved we must be willing to Love. The same with curiosity. I AM curious about her, who she is, what she does, and how she uses her curiosity. But that means I have to risk being vulnerable – AND genuinely caring about her. My God, this has implications, I thought. Once I had her curiosity opened to me and I risked sharing what I was hiding, and felt the joy of a great conversation. So, I thought I would attempt my own conversation. My own listening to her.

So, I slipped up beside her and I said, “I’m curious about curiosity.”

She smiled and asked the five words which Heals Loneliness: “Oh yeah? Why is that?”

Apparently curiosity takes skill and foreplay.

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Saturday, August 30, 2014

LOVE IS A TONE (A HEART TO HEART)

WHO AM I?

When I was a college student, I was a wannabe guitar player when I met a tone. I met her one night as I was passing a party and heard a guy run a riff - just a quick riff- that ended with this tone - a very special, life changing tone. I looked over. She hung in the air, like a beautiful atmospheric, full of longing and passion and well, lushness. She was so intimate, and entered my heart, I was touched. I thought to myself, "Man, who IS THAT TONE!?" What I meant was that I had to have her.

A tone, like a woman, is independent, easily desired but totally free which means they man not to be with you - choice is involved, her choice. The longing to actually attempt to meet her, went on for days. I practiced. I searched for her on the guitar. But how do you meet a tone so smooth, polished and beautiful; so refined when you're a crude player, a beginner. Nothing tough in your fingers. All childishly, soft and sloppy? A tone, like woman, knows a lover with sensitivity. Still, the desire lingered in my mind.

A month later, at a party, I heard a girl laugh and in her laugh and the lilt of her voice, was THE tone. It caused me to snap my head around but when the girl saw the searching look in my eyes, her eyes grew questioning, then playful and I didn't know what to say. But I did say to the girl I was with, "Who IS that girl?" Which meant that I had to have her.

WHY AM I HERE?

I was pursuing the tone and now and was confused about the girl. In my dreams I saw the girl's face but felt in my heart the emotions I first felt when I experienced the tone. I was practicing my guitar and searching for her. But I was not sure she wanted me to come near or even touch her at all. What chance did I have? I was not as experienced a player as the guy who was with her when we met - a better man than I. All lovers want to be worthy of their beloved. I wanted to transform myself to be worthy of the tone. But what if I was not able to play up to that level of expertise? That I fell short and lived my life with the sound in my head and the feelings in my soul which I was not able to bring into existence? What if I got distracted by other music?

What about love? Was love beyond the single tone? Was my search for this tone a fantasy that lived in my head - not even a conscious desire? And for which I was hoping to someday create myself as a player? Should I give up this tone stuff?

WHAT DO I WANT?

Are tones embodied in people? Could the same feelings which I found in that note or music be incarnated in a person? Could the tone which touched my heart and released an effervescence like crystal clear water running over iridescent pebbles and brightly colored autumn leaves - a rippling under-tone that bubbled up into my soul and filled me with joy - that put me on weeks of searching, longing and sleepless nights - could that tone be alive in a person that I could invite to go get a cup of coffee with me?

Amazingly, yes. There was an excitement in just being with her. Just hearing her talk. Just having that tone wash over my soul was, ecstasy. My, I could listen to her for hours!

Still can.

It was as if we ran away from the world into the deepest woods and were the only two people for miles and miles. Life stayed crisp and young as when we first went for coffee. All experiences were new and everything was possible.

Still is.

We are there in that instant for one another.

The tone of a voice moving a heart. Then two hearts vibrating together. It's a resonance. A conversation. A heart-to-heart.