WHO AM I?
When I was a college student, I was a wannabe guitar player when
I met a tone. I met her one night as I was passing a party and heard a guy run
a riff - just a quick riff- that ended with this tone - a very special, life
changing tone. I looked over. She hung in the air, like a beautiful
atmospheric, full of longing and passion and well, lushness. She was so
intimate, and entered my heart, I was touched. I thought to myself, "Man,
who IS THAT TONE!?" What I meant
was that I had to have her.
A tone, like a woman, is independent, easily desired but totally
free which means they man not to be with you - choice is involved, her
choice. The longing to actually attempt
to meet her, went on for days. I practiced. I searched for her on the guitar.
But how do you meet a tone so smooth, polished and beautiful; so refined when
you're a crude player, a beginner. Nothing tough in your fingers. All
childishly, soft and sloppy? A tone, like woman, knows a lover with
sensitivity. Still, the desire lingered
in my mind.
A month later, at a party, I heard a girl laugh and in her laugh
and the lilt of her voice, was THE tone. It caused me to snap my head around
but when the girl saw the searching look in my eyes, her eyes grew questioning,
then playful and I didn't know what to say. But I did say to the girl I was
with, "Who IS that girl?" Which meant that I had to have her.
WHY AM I HERE?
I was pursuing the tone and now and was confused about the girl.
In my dreams I saw the girl's face but felt in my heart the emotions I first
felt when I experienced the tone. I was practicing my guitar and searching for
her. But I was not sure she wanted me to come near or even touch her at all.
What chance did I have? I was not as experienced a player as the guy who was
with her when we met - a better man than I. All lovers want to be worthy of
their beloved. I wanted to transform
myself to be worthy of the tone. But what if I was not able to play up to that
level of expertise? That I fell short and lived my life with the sound in my
head and the feelings in my soul which I was not able to bring into existence?
What if I got distracted by other music?
What about love? Was love beyond the single tone? Was my search
for this tone a fantasy that lived in my head - not even a conscious desire?
And for which I was hoping to someday create myself as a player? Should I give
up this tone stuff?
WHAT DO I WANT?
Are tones embodied in people?
Could the same feelings which I found in that note or music be
incarnated in a person? Could the tone
which touched my heart and released an effervescence like crystal clear water
running over iridescent pebbles and brightly colored autumn leaves - a rippling
under-tone that bubbled up into my soul and filled me with joy - that put me on
weeks of searching, longing and sleepless nights - could that tone be alive in
a person that I could invite to go get a cup of coffee with me?
Amazingly, yes. There was an excitement in just being with her.
Just hearing her talk. Just having that tone wash over my soul was, ecstasy.
My, I could listen to her for hours!
Still can.
It was as if we ran away from the world into the deepest woods
and were the only two people for miles and miles. Life stayed crisp and young
as when we first went for coffee. All experiences were new and everything was
possible.
Still is.
We
are there in that instant for one another.
The tone of a voice moving a heart. Then two hearts vibrating
together. It's a resonance. A conversation. A heart-to-heart.
(c) Copyright 2014, Jean W.
Yeager
All Rights Reserved
All Rights Reserved
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