Sunday, March 29, 2015

I AM THE THEM IN ME



WHO AM I?
I am your mother, your father, your Auntie or Grandmother. The one who raised you. Nurtured you. Loved you. Watched you change and grow. Smiled when you ran and danced.  Cuddled you.

Then I became that ridden person. That friend of the family. The Uncle, Aunt or distant relative. The babysitter, teacher, other. Stern, strict, angry mostly. Wild hair. Frantic gestures. The one that told me what to do. Gave commands. Laid down the Law.

Then I became the church, the school, the teams, the community. They raised me, too. They gave me rules. Leaders. Formalities. Prayer hours. Prayer books. Prayer shawls. Text books. Rules, no Poetry. Sermons. You were a boy. She was a girl. You will learn this. She will learn that. This is your job. This is her job.

I am the them in me. This is the sum total of what I have become. Be afraid of those who say there is more to life. Be afraid of what you have not been taught by your family, church, school.  Be afraid of strangers.



WHY AM I HERE?

     I love my father, my mother, my teacher, the Reverend, my cousin the Soldier, my friend who is so strong and likes me. I was raised by them. The girls I hang out with. I love the them in me. I want the them in me to be the best it can be.

     To get that, what will I sell? I will sell my hands, my heart, my mind, my voice, my reputation, my future, my trust, my youth, my creativity, my creed, love, friendship and family.

I will be of service to the church, the school, the teams, the community that raised me, too.

     My cousin told me that something happened between someone in our family and another family. There was a fight or angry words. What happened to them, happened to me. Their hurt is my hurt. Their pain is my pain.



WHAT DO I WANT?

     My friends have lovers. They have family. They make money. They have computers. They look good. I want to step from “me” to “we”. I want what they want. I want to look like them, to be attractive. I want people to love me. We want to be powerful. We want to feel good. We don’t want to be alone.

     They will help me find a job like their job. Maybe I can do what they do. Work where they work. Live where they live. Stay away from the others they stay away from, or fight them.

We want to be the best. We want to win. We will win. We won’t let anyone stand in our way. I don’t have a good feeling when strangers walk by, or when I go somewhere strange.

I am the them in me. Why would I ever want to go away? I never want something or someone from far away to come between us.



© Copyright 2015, Jean W. Yeager
All Rights Reserved

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