Monday, March 30, 2015

NEW ENGLAND WEATHER: After 4-months Of Harsh Winter A Late March Snowstorm Predicted


It’s been quite a winter. More than 8-feet of snow in Boston, Lake Champlain looks like a gigantic popcicle, about 75% of all the senior citizen “Snow Birds” who migrated southward months ago and have been filling Florida’s Senior Citizen centers. But, hey!  It’s HOT down there and they wanna go home!

(Sigh.) Like a young, aggressive hockey star, another “Alberta Clipper” – Captain “Vladdy ‘Polar Vortex’ Putin” - is barreling southward from the far northern most polar region like a grinning, toothless, long-haired winger; seeking to score another fierce outbreak of frozen mayhem across New England and pay the U.S. back for the Ukraine.

(Aside: Gimme a break, already. Can’t somebody put a little body on that Vladdy Vortex bag of wind?)

On the defense, the New England Defensive Line is trudging, slowly and wearily back to the snow plows, utility trucks and Zambonis, the equipment of last resort. We ran out of ice so they will be spreading gravel on the roads so that windshield replacement companies will have a nice spring.


Why? Gloomy, pessimistic Weather Forecasts and to deliver Public Service reminders. 
     This first reminder is for Frost Heaves. Mostly we’re here because the streets and highways have Frost Heaves. These are teeth rattling humps of frozen earth which suddenly arise anywhere. You can’t go anywhere fast because your suspension will be beaten to smithereens.  Besides the gravel on the roads, this is another way Weather has fun with you!

And, our Weather Channel must remind you that there is a heavy threat of Sink Holes. That’s where ancient New England water main systems, installed in the 1800’s, have been frozen so many times this winter that the joints have burst underground – somewhere. Nobody is sure. A giant lake of water is down there beneath the ground. Our utility systems calculate several hundred thousand gallons of water. And, the roadway, or hour house, may sink at any moment.  So, carry a life jacket under your car seat and remember we have two emergency exits at the front of the car and no illuminated strips on the floor.


Spring. Okay?

Yeah, we love snow. We love the North East. But enough already.

The Red Sox and Yankees are in spring training. The fans are trying to cope.


The “Snow Queen” hockey Moms are on their feet and chanting of “No More Snow Day!” Some mothers stuff their Pee-Wee hockey kids  into their SUVs and drive north hoping to stop Vladdy Vortex at the border. You can hear shouts of “Get him! Get him!” from passing vehicles. Basketball coaches wonder if they ought to re-play local tournaments just to keep families from sliding on the ice. Little leaguers and coaches stand wearing parkas and snow shoes around baseball/softball diamonds watching the ice melt. Whispering to themselves… “Someday1”

We hear rumors of Spring. And the laughter of “Vladdy ‘Polar Vortex’”.

Flatlanders? We feel your pain because of your heat and your drought.

This is the Weather Channel way up north signing off!

© Copyright 2015, Jean W. Yeager
All Rights Reserved

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